I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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