take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Lo siento on account of my penis...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
