Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
