So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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