This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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