The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
