If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize