Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
