Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
