does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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