I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
