Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
