Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
