moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
