there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
