I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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