in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
