I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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