it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
