Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize