I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
