My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
