yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize