Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
