Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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