32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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