Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The beer is more important than you right now.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
