Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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