I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize