I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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