Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
