Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
