there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
