I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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