running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
