Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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