Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize