Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
