Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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