he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
