I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
