Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
