Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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