I think my vagina is haunted
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize