i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
