I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
