You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
