I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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