Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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