i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
