I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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