I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
