everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
