I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
