she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
