Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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