There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
