Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
