Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
