you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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