worst night to have a conscience
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
