My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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