We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
